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Post by valpre1983 on Nov 22, 2009 11:06:23 GMT -5
Chapter Twelve is out...gosh I'm drained...why hasn't anyone told me how draining this writing business is?
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Tina ☺
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Post by Tina ☺ on Nov 22, 2009 16:20:28 GMT -5
It can definitely drain you! Well, you KNOW I loved the story! I will get over to the exchange to read again, so I can see the bigger pics and rate it soon. You did a really great job on this one! ;D
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jillyson
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Twozaks in Other Realms
[M0:6]"Now where have they gone? I seem to have lost my marbles again!" [ss:Luscious Lavender]
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Post by jillyson on Nov 22, 2009 18:25:19 GMT -5
ARGH!!!!! So close!!! You're killing me, Val! (but I loved it - what a way to go!)
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Post by Aussie Karima on Nov 22, 2009 19:15:41 GMT -5
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Tina ☺
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Post by Tina ☺ on Nov 22, 2009 22:54:39 GMT -5
 *whispers* Wait until you see Chapter 13, which I just had the privilege of proof reading!  hehehe... Anyway, I'm going to post here what I told you when I sent chapter 12 back to you: You know what? I don't care what you say, or how hard you may be trying masque it with all the extra mystery/intrigue you've stuck into this story... you ARE the undisputed QUEEN of ROMANCE around these parts! That scene between Toria and Storm on the beach was so moving, so touching, so sweet, and so deep, it nearly brought tears to my eyes. SWEET! Of course, you get a rating of FIVE stars as well as my unadulterated stamp of approval! 
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Post by Aussie Karima on Nov 23, 2009 1:36:55 GMT -5
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Post by valpre1983 on Nov 23, 2009 2:17:45 GMT -5
Ahh Karima, thank you so much for all your support, encouragement and suggestions. You have also contributed a great deal to these last two chapters and I appreciate that... Chapter 13 is practically done so I'll upload it soon soon... P.S. Sorry I made you cry again... |
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Post by valpre1983 on Nov 23, 2009 4:07:02 GMT -5
ARGH!!!!! So close!!! You're killing me, Val! (but I loved it - what a way to go!) Hey Jill, Hope it was the good kind of "killing you". Hope you like Chapter Thirteen even better. I was so scared you were all gonna kill me cos I know how many of you keep rooting for Toria & Storm...I'm still here, so I guess I didn't do such a bad job with this one ;D This chapter was hard for me because I had to focus more on Storm's emotions and I'm not really good with figuring out how guys feel, think and react and I hope I portrayed Storm's emotions well... |
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Post by valpre1983 on Nov 23, 2009 5:11:57 GMT -5
*whispers* Wait until you see Chapter 13, which I just had the privilege of proof reading! hehehe... Hey Tina, I take it Chapter Thirteen wasn't too hard on the eyes in terms of grammar and such? Thanks again for proofreading these last few chapters and your warm feedback means a lot to me ;D |
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Tina ☺
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Post by Tina ☺ on Nov 23, 2009 8:11:37 GMT -5
Actually, no, it wasn't too bad. Using less contractions in the body of your story has helped cut down on some of the confusion about tenses. There were very few, if any, spelling mistakes. A word here and there was left out (I do that one ALL the time!) lol You did a great job! You also did a great job with Storm's feelings, keeping in perfect range of his personality. Heck, I should be saving all this for after you've posted it. |
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Post by valpre1983 on Nov 23, 2009 8:23:26 GMT -5
Actually, no, it wasn't too bad. Using less contractions in the body of your story has helped cut down on some of the confusion about tenses. There were very few, if any, spelling mistakes. A word here and there was left out (I do that one ALL the time!) lol You did a great job! You also did a great job with Storm's feelings, keeping in perfect range of his personality. Heck, I should be saving all this for after you've posted it. I'm starting to like not using contractions and I think less contractions make it easier on the reader as well. I've gone back to my previous chapters and I actually cringe sometimes at the amount of contractions I've used in the past and the confusion created. I have an urge to go back and rewrite those chapters but I'm not sure when I'll be able to do that bcos I'm drained from these last few chapters as it is...but soon...  |
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holleyberry
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Lothario Loving Lady
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Post by holleyberry on Nov 24, 2009 1:19:20 GMT -5
Chapter Two Done!
What a great story so far!
Will they, won't they? I got to know!
Off to read chapter 3!
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Post by valpre1983 on Nov 24, 2009 3:59:54 GMT -5
Chapter Two Done! What a great story so far! Will they, won't they? I got to know! Off to read chapter 3! It's great to see you're still going strong on the chapters Holly... ;D Go Holly Go! Few more chapters and you'll know Thanks for reading and I'm glad you think it's great so far, but I must admit, the earlier chapters need some reworking, now that Tina's taught me less contractions make for better writing |
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jillyson
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Twozaks in Other Realms
[M0:6]"Now where have they gone? I seem to have lost my marbles again!" [ss:Luscious Lavender]
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Post by jillyson on Nov 24, 2009 20:54:26 GMT -5
I think it depends on the charaters. A very formal, older person probably wouldn't use a lot of contractions, but a twenty/thirty something crowd of average folks probably would. The younger the character, the more likely that they would speak with contractions.
Your characters are pretty modern & laid back. They wouldn't say, "Let us go to the dining room.", they'd say "Let's eat! or Let's head to the dining room!"
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Tina ☺
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Post by Tina ☺ on Nov 24, 2009 21:30:54 GMT -5
No Jill, I wasn't talking about contractions in dialog. That's fine. I'm talking about contractions in the BODY of the story. If you guys haven't noticed, I follow the 'old school' form of writing and NEVER use contractions in the body of my stories, just like I was taught in grammar school, but I know writer's do it all the time now, so it's okay. Val was using contractions like 'He's' in the body of her story to represent 'He was' and that does NOT work because 'He's' is a contraction to represent 'He is' or 'He has', which are present tenses.That means she was inadvertantly switching tenses in the same sentence. 'He's' is NEVER a contraction for 'He was'. Confused yet? Writing, to me, flows MUCH smoother and is actually more effective, as well as 'prettier', when contractions in the BODY of a story are kept to a minimal. |
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WOW! that blew me away,such a fantastic chapter! 
