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The End
Oct 27, 2008 21:27:12 GMT -5
Post by Sarie on Oct 27, 2008 21:27:12 GMT -5
Okay, technically this isn't poetry (Shh, don't tell anyone), but I figure this is the best place. I've worked on a song for a while, and here it is. It's probably bad, but I don't care... Oh yeah, I just have the chorus and a few verses. No intro or ending (Would that be an extro?)
Verse 1~ The Wars You're torn Between us and them And it's the end
Chorus~ Close in for the kill Against my will The door is closing You were just posing How could you fake it so well? It's you it's me it's us it's them And it's the end
Verse 2~ I see your face around me Your smile your eyes they bind me It's you it's me it's us it's them And it's the end
Chorus
Verse 3~ A cry, a plea You barely see You turn away from us to them And it's the end
That's all I got. Constructive critism is welcomed with hugs!
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Tina ☺
Administrator
Chillin'
[M0:42]Oh yea....bite me![ss:Black/Purple]
Posts: 21,029
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The End
Oct 28, 2008 0:18:57 GMT -5
Post by Tina ☺ on Oct 28, 2008 0:18:57 GMT -5
Nice! Thanks for sharing Sarie! Too tired to really think of anything more to say tonight, so... Until I return...
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storyfan
Proof Reader
Popping in and out.[ss:Black/Purple]
Posts: 64
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The End
Nov 11, 2008 14:58:06 GMT -5
Post by storyfan on Nov 11, 2008 14:58:06 GMT -5
This is good. Very sad, but good!
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Tina ☺
Administrator
Chillin'
[M0:42]Oh yea....bite me![ss:Black/Purple]
Posts: 21,029
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The End
Nov 12, 2008 6:39:16 GMT -5
Post by Tina ☺ on Nov 12, 2008 6:39:16 GMT -5
Yes it is definitely a melancholy piece. It's very good Sarie. The title reminded me of that old song by The Doors.
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jillyson
Diligent Librarian
Twozaks in Other Realms
[M0:6]"Now where have they gone? I seem to have lost my marbles again!" [ss:Luscious Lavender]
Posts: 9,634
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The End
Nov 15, 2008 0:54:01 GMT -5
Post by jillyson on Nov 15, 2008 0:54:01 GMT -5
Oh, Sarie! I exhault you! I do hope you make it a full-fledged song someday! It needs to be sung & heard!
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